{"id":1145,"date":"2025-08-28T13:00:05","date_gmt":"2025-08-28T13:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/?p=1145"},"modified":"2025-08-28T15:15:55","modified_gmt":"2025-08-28T15:15:55","slug":"the-you-look-happier-trend-is-giving-us-space-to-be-messy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/2025\/08\/28\/the-you-look-happier-trend-is-giving-us-space-to-be-messy\/","title":{"rendered":"The \u2018You Look Happier\u2019 Trend Is Giving Us Space To Be Messy"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Doing the \u201cright\u201d thing. The wellness thing. Or even the self-betterment thing, is so impressed upon us these days, we can feel guilty when we make the \u201cwrong\u201d choice<\/a> for our overall wellbeing. Things like: Texting an ex<\/a>, getting drunk instead of sitting with tough emotions, flaking on the gym to bed rot<\/a>, foregoing journaling yet another night. We all do them. It\u2019s fun. It\u2019s enlivening. It isn\u2019t something you want to make a regular occurrence, but being messy is part and parcel of being human. It\u2019s time we stopped berating ourselves for it.<\/p>\n

On Instagram and TikTok we\u2019re seeing this play out with playful takes on the \u201cyou look happier when\u201d trend, in which people film themselves smiling with this caption overlaid. Some people have gone about the trend in earnest, finishing the sentence with \u201cyou go to bed on time and cut screen time<\/a>\u201d. But others have been more tongue in cheek. \u201cYou look happier when you spend a weekend with your ex and don\u2019t tell your friends\u201d, being a clear example of this. It\u2019s unsurprising this is happening midsummer when attitudes typically lean towards prioritizing fun over productivity, and when shows like Lena Dunham\u2019s <\/a>Too Much<\/a><\/em> have us hooked \u2014 a show about being messy, imperfect, and growing through poor choices. Being messy harnesses growth so we\u2019re leaning into it.<\/p>\n

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@maxeisenberg1<\/a> <\/p>\n

lolzies I\u2019m kidding \u2026 unless? <\/p>\n

\u266c sonido original \u2013 i24.millaaa<\/a> <\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Is it harmless to embrace our messy selves? Pamela Roberts, therapist at Priory<\/a>, says there are two types of happiness and that both are important. \u201cHedonic happiness is the kind of happiness you get from pleasure and enjoyment,\u201d Roberts says. It\u2019s the feeling you get from a delicious meal, a funny movie, or a spontaneous night out with friends. \u201cThis type of happiness is often short-lived and focuses on maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. It\u2019s about feeling good in the moment. Eudaimonic happiness, on the other hand, is a deeper and more lasting form of happiness. It comes from living a life of purpose, meaning, and personal growth. This is the happiness you get from achieving a long-term goal, helping others, or developing skills. It\u2019s not always about feeling good in the moment, it might even require sacrifice or hard work.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roberts says that allowing yourself to make the \u201cmessy\u201d choice does have some psychological benefits, to a degree. At its best, it can be a \u201cform of mindfulness\u201d, because you\u2019re fully present in the moment. It can also be a way to relieve stress and break free from the pressure of always doing the \u201cright\u201d thing. However, doing too much of this can make us pain-adverse, resulting in an inability to tolerate any kind of emotional pain, like boredom, sadness, and guilt.<\/p>\n

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@danielachern<\/a> <\/p>\n

not very hot girl summer of me but oh well <\/p>\n

\u266c sonido original \u2013 i24.millaaa<\/a> <\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n

There is a psychological benefit to being flexible and being able to tune into what you need at a particular moment, is the view of psychotherapist Liz Kelly, author of This Book Is Cheaper Than Therapy<\/em><\/a>. That might not be the \u201chealthiest\u201d choice all of the time. \u201cIt\u2019s essential to discern whether you are engaging in a behavior intentionally, because you genuinely want to, or if you are participating in a pattern of numbing out or distraction from difficult feelings,\u201d she says. It might be helpful to think about whether an action is going to lead to more stress or complications down the road.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Making sure a messy night doesn\u2019t snowball into a messy year<\/h2>\n

Roberts says it\u2019s crucial to differentiate between occasional \u201cmessiness\u201d and a pattern of self-sabotage. \u201cThe former can be a healthy release, while the latter can be a sign of deeper issues. So, is this mindful messiness and would it be as satisfying? When making a frivolous, messy choice, like seeing an ex<\/a>, it\u2019s important to be mindful and intentional about the actions taken to avoid this snowballing into a bigger issue.\u201d Make sure you show yourself compassion, too \u2014 no one is perfect all of the time. She recommends: setting boundaries, reflecting on your motivations, and how you feel afterwards. But also, to have fun. \u201cA life of constant discipline and self-control can lead to burnout,\u201d she says. \u201cTreat frivolity as a single occasion, not as a new way of life. The occasional embrace of frivolity can be a healthy expression of an adventurous spirit, if it\u2019s not a means of self-sabotage. The image of walking a tightrope is a good analogy here \u2014 it\u2019s about balancing fun and spontaneity with a clear understanding of your boundaries and goals.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Rise Of Magical Thinking On TikTok<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Doing the \u201cright\u201d thing. The wellness thing. Or even the self-betterment thing, is so impressed upon us these days, we can feel guilty when we make the \u201cwrong\u201d choice for our overall wellbeing. Things like: Texting an ex, getting drunk instead of sitting with tough emotions, flaking on the gym to bed rot, foregoing journaling […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1147,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ecotech"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1145"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1148,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1145\/revisions\/1148"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cncurc.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}